Pain

It is now four weeks since Tim and I were operated on St Georges; the time seems to have flown past and I have healed well, while Tim is also doing very well. Most people I have spoken to seem to have an expectation of kidney donors suffering some considerable pain for a long period.  I suppose in a way that was my understanding, although I think that possibly people are just preparing you in case you suffer such pain; then, when you don't, you feel happy about the situation.

Whilst I was training in the RAF (a very long time ago), the often-heard mantra was that "pain is only in the mind"; an alternative was that "pain is for wimps". When younger, I used to endure the dentist without an anaesthetic as I found that the pain of some b*****y great needle being stuck in the roof of your mouth was far worse than suffering the treatment without anaesthetic. (NB Yes, I know things have improved since and yes, that old dentist was an absolute thug and an awful dentist to boot.)

Today, I mentioned my almost complete lack of pain in the last four weeks to a friend who told me of an anaesthetist he knows who, like the RAF, also believes that pain is genuinely in the mind. I have to say that I think I agree. Over the years I have learned to relax in the dentist's chair. You start with your neck and work down through every part of you, consciously relaxing the tight muscles; when you reach your feet you start again, as those ones will have tightened up again by then!

One fairly recent experience of severe pain was when I had a small growth removed from my upper lip. This was done as day surgery under a local anaesthetic which was administered by the surgeon. He said "short sharp scratch" and proceeded to stick a needle in my upper lip for the next two or three minutes! I lay there trying to relax myself and became aware of the absolute streams of tears flowing down the side of my face to my ears and thence to the back of my neck. I have never before or since experienced anything remotely so painful - there are, I am told, a vast number of nerves in your lips, and I believe it.  After the operation I said "You lied!" and he replied that he had to as if he told the truth then every patient would leave the theatre before the operation!

So, using the scale of my lip pain, I have been re-assessing the pain I have suffered in the last four weeks. Really, the worst pain was when my stomach generally objected to the whole idea and started acting up. The expanded stomach pressed on the largest wound which caused a significant awareness of its presence, but compared to my lips I don't think it even classes as pain, more just as severe discomfort. In the same way, in hospital I itched (a reaction to the morphine?) and couldn't sleep because I just couldn't get comfortable.  There were times on the first day when any movement seemed to require care and many movements were impossible, but I suspect that this was as much due to my brain simply stopping me from trying as opposed to actually experiencing pain. Even when I sat on the edge of the bed and then stood up for the first time, it wasn't painful but rather I was afraid of being rushed when I felt very delicate.

I have no doubt that I have been very blessed in this experience. I would not like to give Potential Living Donors the idea that donating a kidney is always as pain-free as my experience, as I am sure it is not. I know that I could even now suddenly find myself doubled up, especially if attacked in my midriff by some wayward child, and I am not even going to try to touch my toes!  We all react differently to pain, and I sympathize with those who suffer more than their fair share. However, I am sure that having a positive mental attitude to pain could be a solution for many people in a similar situation.