Less Than Six Weeks Now

It's funny how things change.  Last year, I was expecting to have the operation quite quickly and time seemed to pass quite slowly as eventually it dawned on me that actually it wasn't going to be that quick.  Then we had the false start back in March when we agreed a date in May only to be over-ruled by the team meeting.  Now it seems an age ago (i.e. early July) that we agreed the operation date (Oct 16th) but suddenly I realise that it is just six weeks away. That's the sort of thought that makes your stomach flip a bit as you appreciate that it really is going to happen.  Soon. Voluntarily.

Back in June I made an analogy of this experience to a parachute jump which I did 20 years ago (see this entry).  As time passes I am even more convinced that it is a very good analogy for kidney donation.  I volunteered for that jump, and it never crossed my mind, once that decision was made, to opt out.  The following through with actions was a natural consequence of the decision; I didn't keep asking myself "why am I doing this?", I just got on and focussed on what needed to be done, the next task.   

I think that is exactly how I feel now.  Right down to the idea of going into a hospital as a very well person and coming out as a not so well person who needs time and attention to recover. The decision is made; my brother needs some help which I can provide.  I just focussed on the next test, the next visit, and kept on doing it.  At every test I was surprised that I kept on passing them! How would I feel later in life if either I had not volunteered, or else I had got cold feet and opted out after a few tests?

I am not really surprised to be a form of answer to prayer.  It was said a long time ago that you shouldn't pray for something unless you were prepared to be part of the answer!  I really feel that I was called to volunteer, that this task "had my name on it", and that this is one of the things that my life is all about.

Anyway, it's the HTA interview in less than three weeks, plus another abdominal ultrasound for good measure.  I really found the last one a bit odd - two young women (one was a trainee) staring intently at my abdomen and the picture that appeared on the screen.  My age is more than the two of them together. That really makes me feel old - they probably think of me as almost geriatric!